Fight Through The Night
by cbssoapsgirl
Summary: Fitz and Olivia have been separated for an entire year. Can they get past everything and continue on? Or will Vermont be nothing but a memory?
1. Out

Fitz sat at the Resolute desk in the Oval tapping his pen on it as he stared at the wall. It was a year to the day that Olivia had left him. She got on the plane and left the country without telling him. His son was dead and the woman he loved more than life left him to go to another country. He still felt so alone living in the crown jewel of the American prison system.

It was noon and he hadn't moved from the spot he was in since nine. What was the point? America was in a good place, Mellie was in a good place, Karen and Teddy was happy, Cyrus was good. He was the only one left to suffer.

"Mr. President," Cyrus interrupted his thoughts, "you do need to sign those orders before this afternoon."

"I know. Cyrus, do you…" Fitz started but stopped himself.

"Do I what?"

"Do you ever wonder where you and James would be now if he was still here?"

"Every day. But I have Ella to think about. I can't dwell on what I can't control. No one can. Why do you ask?"

Fitz sighed and continued to stare at the wall. "No reason, I just wondered. I'd been thinking about where Mellie and I would be if we were happy and still together. But then I remember that she and I were happy and want to be happy with her."

"With Mellie?"

"No," he answered. Fitz turned and looked at Cyrus giving him a slight half smile. "Thanks, Cy. I'll have these signed in an hour."

"Yes, sir, Mr. President."

Cyrus went out of the Oval concerned that he was thinking about Olivia again. Even though he knew Fitz thought about her every minute of every day, he never vocalized that he was. She hadn't been to see any of them in a year, which Cyrus thought was a good thing, even though he loved her like a daughter. Olivia was a distraction to Fitz and that was something that he didn't need now.

Fitz had stopped trying to call Olivia a month after Jerry died. He seemed to have given up that she was coming back to him. He knew she felt that his death was her fault but it wasn't. And he had to make her see that.

Thinking about her only made him miss her more. He felt the need to find her again and this time, he didn't fight it. He had to know, at least, where she was. Fitz opened his laptop and Googled Olivia. He didn't have far to look; the first source was a news article from earlier that morning. _OPA saves Shaw…Again! _He clicked this link and read through the article. At the left side was a picture of Olivia was Jacob Shaw in front of the capitol building. Shaw had gotten into another sexcapade with an intern and it was caught on tape and he called in Liv to save the day. As he read the entire article he caught on to one sentence: _Olivia Pope and Associates has been running successfully for four years with Olivia Pope handling every crisis D.C. has to throw. _

Fitz read the sentence a dozen times. Liv wouldn't just hand over her business to her team. She trusts them but not with OPA alone. "She's been in D.C. the whole time?" he thought.

He shut the laptop off and hit the intercom for Lauren. "Tell Tom and Daniel to bring the car around, we're going out for a while."


	2. In

Olivia sat on her couch drinking her red wine like she had every night for years. Wrapped in a blanket with the all the lights off except for the dim light at the other end, her feet slightly uncovered by the blanket attempting to relax after a hard day's work. The Shaw case had been harder than before. This time the intern knew she was being taped and wanted money. It took a few days but Olivia was finally able to close the case.

The complete silence was interrupted by her cell phone. She didn't want to answer it but knew that she should.

She bent her arm behind her and grabbed her phone off the side table. "Hello?"

"Is he with you?"

"Who is this and who is with whom?"

"Olivia, I know it's been a long time but you should be able to recognize my voice. Now is he with you?"

Liv pulled the phone away from her ear and looked at the caller id. _Blocked number. _Slowly she put the phone back up to her ear. "I don't know who this is but your number comes up as blocked. So I'm going to hang up now."

As she started to go for the end button, he yelled at her. "OLIVIA POPE! Do not hang up on me!"

"Cyrus?"

"No it's the Prime Minister of Azkaban."

Olivia let out a breath she didn't know she was holding in. "Why is your number blocked on my phone? And how did you even get this number?"

"Did you really think I was stupid enough to use a number I thought you might recognize? And as for me getting your number, you have your ways and I have mine," Cyrus laughed.

She started to smirk at him. "Fair enough. I didn't look at the id before I answered. What do you want?"

"Is Fitz with you?"

"Fitz?"

"Yes, you know, the President of the country, the one you have been hooking up with, the one who built you a house, the one who can't get over you, the one…"

"Okay, I get it Cyrus. No Fitz is not with me. Nor have I spoken with him in a long time. Aren't you supposed to be off babysitting duty? It's 8 pm. You should be home with Ella. The only people who are responsible for Fitz is Fitz."

"I know that, but he no one has seen him since one this afternoon."

Olivia took a sip of her wine and leaned back against the arm of the couch. "It's not that long. You can't file a missing person's report for 48 hours."

"Ha-ha, I forgot how funny you are. I should definitely file a missing person report on the President of America. That would go over so well. Listen; if he isn't with you do you have any idea where he might be?"

"No, Cyrus. The Residence would be the only other place to look, maybe the Rose Garden. Check in the bushes."

Cyrus growled at her, not liking the idea of Fitz in the bushes. "He's not here at the White House and Tom and Daniel are with him. Maybe he just went for a drive."

"Possibly, check Blair House. He might have gone over there."

"Doubtful."

"Either way, Cyrus. I don't know where Fitz is. I'm sure he'll turn up soon. Let Secret Service handle it and go put Ella to bed for the night. Good night, Cy."

"Night, Liv."

Olivia hung up the phone and finished her wine. She put the glass in the sink, turned off the light and went to bed.

Liv was sleeping rather soundly when someone knocked at her apartment door. She glanced over at the clock. _12:16 am. _The knocking stopped for several minutes so she went back to sleep. Before she could actually close her eyes, the knocking started again.

Positive that it was Cyrus, Olivia crawled off the side of the bed and padded along to the door without turning a light on. She opened the door without checking to make sure that it was indeed Cyrus.

"Cyrus, I told you. Fitz will show up eventually," she said without look at the person in front of her.

"Then it's a good thing I showed up," Fitz told her.

Surprised to hear his voice she immediately opened her eyes to see him. "What are… Why are… What are you… Have you talked to Cyrus?"

"No. And I don't plan to either."

"What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing."

"I live here. Why are you here?"

"We need to talk."

"We haven't talked in a year. What do we have to talk about?"

"Are you going to let me in so we can talk or am I going to be a sitting duck out here?"

Olivia thought for a few seconds and opened the door wider for him. "Come in."


	3. Talking

Fitz walked into the apartment and took a look around as she closed the door. Nothing had changed in the apartment since his last visit. Everything was where it should have been. He turned around and they stared at each other for several minutes before Olivia broke the silence.

"What are we talking about?"

"I think we need to discuss everything. Go back to the beginning and have it out. Right here, right now. But only if you are sober. I won't have a true conversation with you if you are drunk or even tipsy."

Olivia was sort of offended. "I have one glass of wine a night like I have for years. Are you drunk? Is that why you're here? You're drunk and need someone to chat with?"

"I haven't had a drink in several months. I came here because we need to discuss things. We have a lot of unfinished business. I don't know about you, but I need some sort of closure. I have to know where we stand. I thought we were done, over. You weren't there a year ago but you never said goodbye or tell me anything so I am not sure where we stand."

Liv moved over to the couch and turned on the lights on either side. "How far back do you want to go?"

Fitz followed her lead and sat at the other end of the couch with his knee up on the couch looking at her. "All the way back to when we met."

"That's going to get you closure? I don't know how that will go over. But if that's what you want to do, we can. So when we met… What about it?"

"You told me everything that was wrong with my marriage, you knew everything that was wrong. I didn't even know what was wrong. And then I fired you."

"Yeah?"

"I think you still hold that against me. Do you?"

"You tried to fire me. Cyrus wouldn't let you. He knew I was the best, and it just took you some time to find out that I was. I know why you tried to fire me and I know why you couldn't. I don't hold it against you. I don't hold a grudge on that. Next topic?"

Fitz slid his shoes off and under the table getting comfortable. "You resent me for going back to Mellie all the time." It wasn't a question.

"I did before. But I knew that you had to. I'm sure that you resent me for a million different things. I can take all of it too. You were married to Mellie then. It had to be that way. I was the mistress that is all there was to it. I could have stopped at any time but I didn't want to. I take blame for that. You and Mellie were supposed to be playing happy to get to the White House. I helped ruin that."

"You know I hate it when you use that word."

Liv could see that Fitz had tensed up when she said the m word. "There's no other word for it. I was a mistress. I fell in love, slept with, kissed, screwed, and anything else with a man I knew was married. I should have stopped it."

"We tried to stop a hundred times. Remember? We couldn't help it. We love each other too much to be apart. And again, you're the love of my life. You're my one and only. My other half. I don't like the other word you use."

"Fine, what else you got?"

"The first night in Georgia. Why didn't you go in your room?"

"Seriously?"

"I've thought about that night a thousand times. That was the night that we actually started a relationship. And we could have been done if you didn't go with me. I told you to go in your room and we'd pretend it never happened."

"But it was too late. We already happened. I'm pretty sure that we started the second you tried to fire me. It just took a while for us to realize we did. I went in your room because it's where I wanted to be. I can't help that I love you or that we breathe in sync. Which by the way, people have noticed. I went in there because I wanted to be with you. It's why I've been the mistress. If I had just walked in my room and let you go to yours this would all have been avoided. I knew you were married and I didn't listen to my head telling me to walk away."

Fitz moved his hand on the back of the couch closer to her, their fingertips barely touching. "It's not all your fault. It's not a one way street. I could have said goodnight and go to my room. That night was something we both wanted. What about the elevator, when Big Jerry was there?"

"You were upset, pissed at him. And drunk. I'm glad that only Mellie caught us in there like that and that she understood. Your father was pissing you off and you took a stress reliever in the form of Scotch."

"Yeah, but I should have handled that better."

"Yes but you didn't. Next subject?"

"You were pissed when I brought Mellie with me to your cabin at Camp David that weekend."

Olivia chuckled and folded her arms across her chest. "And?"

"I didn't have a choice. She asked to come with me, what was I supposed to say?"

"That's fine. I understood why she was there. I wasn't happy that she was but I know why she was there. Are these going to be little conversations or are we going to get to something bigger soon? You do have a job to do, remember? Running the country is your responsibility at the White House. You'll need plenty of sleep to do that."

"You left me at the alone. Why, Liv?"


	4. Amanda

"We've talked about that before," Liv said as she grew irritated. "You know why."

"I want to hear it again. Everything. No hold backs tonight. Please Olivia," Fitz begged.

"Mellie found out. She was upset that I went with you to see the Declaration and not her. She had your pin I gave you before the Inauguration and that's when she knew for sure that we were together. I thought it would be better if I left. And not just that, my job at the White House was done; there wasn't a reason for me to stay longer. I got you elected into being President and then helped you write the SOTU address. I finished it. It just would have been harder if we continued and then Mellie confronted one of us head on. You just got elected; we didn't need a problem to start at the first year."

Fitz had heard this same explanation from her many times on this topic and he still never liked a word of it. "You could have come to me and said that. Not leave me a three sentence professional letter and the pin on my desk while I was giving the speech. Do you know how hurt I was at that? That we meant that little that you would do that."

"What was I supposed to do? Come into the Oval 'by the way, your wife knows and I quit'? How well would that have gone over? I made it the easiest way for us."

"No, you made it the easiest way for you. So that you didn't have to have a confrontation with me about it. You know that I wouldn't give up that easily."

"Exactly! You never would have let me leave that office."

Fitz knew that subject was now closed and it was time to move to the next. He stalled as long as he could. "Fine. It's in the past now; there's nothing more to say on that topic."

"Fitz, please don't go on to the next. I am asking you, begging if needed that we not go over that again," Liv pleaded.

He turned towards her and took her hand in his. "We have to. All cards on the table. We already agreed to yell or scream in this. Livie, we have to talk about it. Then we can move on towards the end."

"Please, I can't think about that anymore. I forgave you then; it's over."

"I know, you said you forgave me. You took care of the situation and covered all of it but you didn't get a real say in it. Now's the time to Liv. You knew how hurt I was when you left and that Amanda wasn't anything to me."

"But she was! You slept with her! It may have only been one time but you still did. And I know I left and that you were hurting but it was nearly an entire year later that Cyrus called me in to clean up the mess. You should have been over me by then. Moved on, tried to be happy with Mellie. You can't just sleep with some aid to fill the void."

Fitz sat there on the couch, not moving, listening to her shout at him about it. He could hear the hurt in her voice about it. "I'm sorry. I didn't want Cyrus to call you in. To be honest…"

"All honesty, all truth tonight. No holding back."

"I didn't want you to know. I was ashamed that I did. That I actually slept with someone who wasn't you. I thought of every possible way to protect you from that information. Cyrus knew that you would be the best to take care of it. But he didn't know about us."

Olivia moved to the edge of the couch, elbows on her knees, head in her hands. "You wouldn't have told me? If Cyrus didn't bring me back to clean it, you never would have told me?"

"I knew it would hurt you, and it's the last thing I ever want to do."

"Even if by some other way, we were back together, would you have told me?"

"Liv, that's a hypothetical."

"Truth."

"No, probably not," he said low as he stared at the ceiling.

"Okay," Olivia shook her head ridding her mind of the thought. "Next?"

"Liv, I know there's more that you want to say on that. About Amanda. You took her as a client and tried to destroy my administration."

"And then my client was killed. What do you want me to say? You cheated on your wife with your mistress and you cheated on your mistress with your girlfriend."

Fitz curled his hand into a fist, trying to control his anger with the word. "How can you even say that word? Mistress! You are talking about yourself. You aren't and never have been that. Doesn't it hurt to hear that word directed at you?"

"I've grown used to it. Cyrus has called me that for nearly four years. And Mellie, well we can't forget about that or her other favorite. I'm a whore who seduced a married man and made him love me. I've grown numb to them. It doesn't affect me anymore."

"It affects me. Is that all you have to say about Amanda?"

"Yes, we've said all there is to say about it. Both now and then. We're done with her and we've moved past. Next?"

Fitz held her hand and in the most calm voice, "Mellie's conspiracy to get pregnant."

"I had nothing to do with her idea of that. She came up with that all on her own. America loves babies. If she got pregnant then her ratings would go up and yours would too. I told her it was a bad idea and that you wouldn't want any part of it. She pushed a bit further and I realized that she had every right to be pregnant with Teddy. She's your wife."


	5. Pregnant

"But you went along with it," Fitz added to her.

"It wasn't my place to say no. Besides, Mellie is Mellie. The woman does whatever she wants. Usually without any remorse for it. I can't control her just like I can't control you. Teddy is wonderful and you love him. There's not much else to say about that. What's next?"

"Pastor Drake."

They both tried to hide a laugh. It wasn't right to laugh at the dead but the way he died was funny. You don't hear about the nation's pastor having a mistress and dying on top of her while she's handcuffed to the bedpost in a hotel room.

"But what does that have to do with us?"

"The situation is similar. She was his… he loved her. Like I love you, but he couldn't show her to the world and tell everyone that this is the woman he loves. You handled that funeral to perfection; I know it wasn't easy. I mean, the idea of me dying and not telling everyone how much I love you, kills me. And I need that chance. Pastor Drake didn't have the chance to do that for her, but I will with you, if you let me."

"That's getting to the present, Fitz. Pastor Drake had nothing to do with the two of us. The situation was different."

"That's agreed. Now… Artie."

"Again, that's nothing to do with us. That's professional and you know it."

"You helped a man who stole from the NSA. You committed treason to the country."

Olivia knew what was behind that subject. She got up and moved further away from him behind the chair. "That's not about Artie or me helping him. This is about the real reason you had Tom and Hal pull me out of my apartment to meet you in the middle of nowhere at 7 in the morning on a Saturday. You were pissed because I saw Edison." Liv saw Fitz instantly tense at his name. "You dragged me out to God knows where so you could yell at me for seeing him. And seeing him on a PROFESSIONAL matter. I knew you were having me followed but that's bull shit! You needed to get your facts straight before you come and yell at me."

"I saw those pictures. I saw how he looked at you and how he touched your arm and the way he bent down to talk in your ear. You two looked pretty damn cozy to me."

Liv laughed a second and spoke. "Do you hear what you just said? How he did this? And how he did that? I didn't reciprocate any of his feelings. Edison and I were having a professional conversation and he wanted things to go further. I did not want any of it, it's why I told him no. Besides that, you had no right to have me followed."

"I had you followed for your own good."

"No, you had me followed for your own sanity. You wanted to make sure that I wasn't seeing anyone else so that you could keep me for yourself. I'm not the stuffed animal that you can set down and not want until someone else wants it. You don't get to be upset because I'm seeing someone. You were married. I was upset and jealous that she got to do everything with you out in the open. Mellie could hold your hand, kiss you, have sex with you, do whatever she wanted with you, in public because she's your wife. I'm the person that the only people who can know about me are Tom and Daniel."

"I told you I'd give it up for you. That I didn't want it if I couldn't have you beside me and you told me no that it was not the way that it worked. America wanted me and Mellie; the fake me and Mellie. That you weren't part of that equation."

"Because it's true. Next."

"I let you go. One of the biggest mistakes of my life was even considering the idea of letting you go. I knew that I couldn't. But you kept saying that you wanted to be free. I couldn't let you go. I don't think I ever will be able to. I knew that's what you wanted but I was selfish. I wanted you to be happy; I just wanted you to be happy with me."

"I was. I am happy with you. But I was suffocating. Mellie's pregnancy was everywhere I looked and the pictures of you and her just made me angry. I thought that I might be able to feel better if I wasn't connected to you anymore. It didn't work though. I still am connected to you. . You are my other half."

"I know. On to the next topic?"

Olivia nodded in agreement. "Which is?"

"My birthday."


	6. Defiance

"Your birthday was a day that I won't ever forget. I was scared to death that you would die. That you would actually leave me alone. That I would have to live without you in this world somewhere. You were shot in the damn head by a woman who was hired to assassinate you. Verna tried to cover up what we did. Either way, the truth would have eventually come out. It always does. I wasn't allowed back to see you at any time. I was able to sneak in a couple times but I couldn't stay for long. I laid with you for a few minutes hoping that would bring you back but it didn't. Mellie didn't want me anywhere near you. She only let me come in when she needed something."

Fitz spoke up a few seconds later, "she needed you to handle the situation."

Olivia turned her head to avoid looking at him. "Sally had me planning your funeral. An outdoor funeral because that's where you like to be. With horses and the salute and everything. I had your funeral planned to the last detail and your heart hadn't stopped beating," she cried.

He moved towards her and wrapped his arms around her, immediately matching her breaths. "I'm right here. Dying isn't what happened. I came back to you."

"For all of a week."

"First, we need to go over you helping Mellie fake my being awake."

Fitz held on to her for several more minutes before looking at the clock. _3:37 am._

"Mellie was First Lady. No matter how much I may not like her, she was your wife. I couldn't let her go to prison for treason. She called Cyrus and told him that you were awake. Then he called me. Mellie decided to tell everyone that you were awake without clearing it with anyone. She wasn't thinking rationally. She wanted Sally out of the Oval and back where she belonged."

"But all three of you could have gone to prison for treason if anyone found out you were lying."

"That was a risk I had to take. I'm very good at keeping secrets. Even secrets told by the person I don't like. But we made it work. No one went to prison or even jail, no one got arrested. It worked out in our favor."

"Still, you shouldn't have done that."

"I didn't have a choice. It was the only way to keep you in office, even if you weren't really awake."

"Fine."

"Now?"

"Defiance."

"Well, I'm ready for you to yell when you are. I can take it. Hit me."

"That was the stupidest, conniving, backstabbing, worst shit that you could have ever done! You rig an election to make sure that I get elected? That's not even close to being legal. You could have just let me lose or let me at least try to win the right way."

Olivia listened to his every word not interrupting (and that was hard), letting him get it all out.

"You didn't want to be the person Big Jerry said you were. I was trying to prevent that from happening. I didn't want to rig the election. It wasn't my idea! Hollis had that idea. He said he put too much money into a losing battle and we had to 'fix' it. I thought he meant like drawing up more supporters. I didn't think he actually meant fixing an election! Hollis got Mellie on board, then Cyrus, then Verna. I didn't want to do it. I wanted you to win on your own. The way you wanted to. I told them that I wouldn't do it. Then Big Jerry died and you broke. You said it was your win. That you would win it. But you were a bit down in the polls and we needed those votes. So yes, I decided that we rig an election."

"Just like that. You snap your fingers and it is magically okay to do something illegal."

"It's more that illegal. It's treason. I committed treason for you to win an election to get into that crowned prison so you can make this country better. It took them forever to convince me to agree. It was agreed between the five of us that it was all or nothing. Either we all agreed to it, or we didn't do it at all. I never agreed to do it until the night before Election Day. Cyrus said that if I thought you could do it alone, that we'd never speak of it again. That we wouldn't rig it. He'd call Hollis off and it'd be done."

"But you agreed, so obviously, you thought I couldn't do it myself. That I needed a bit of a push."

"You were three points down."

"That doesn't give you the right to rig an election!"

"I know it doesn't. I gained nothing from agreeing to rig it. Everyone else got something and the one thing that I wanted got pushed further away from me. I could take that. You weren't mine to begin with. I can't gain something that belongs to someone else. You wanted to be President so bad, and I knew you'd be crushed if you didn't win. So I made sure that you won. We all agreed that you wouldn't know about it but we couldn't keep if from you forever; it was bound to come out. And yes, I know that there's a special place in Hell for me. But I did what I thought I had to do."

Fitz sat back with his arms crossed. "I would have lost that election. I think I would have been fine after a while. I could have divorced Mellie and gone off with you. We talked about what we wanted if the situation wasn't what it was. We could have made that happen."

"We can't change it. I don't regret helping to make you President. I just regret doing it the illegal way."


	7. Closet

"Continuing on…" Fitz started. "I'm ready to take what you have for me. Ella's christening."

Olivia started to get angry at the memory of that day and Fitz could feel the heat coming off her body from several feet away. "What happened that day was degrading. If you wanted to make me feel like a mistress and a whore you sure as hell did a good job at it. Then you pull me into a damn closet and screw me like that! Oh, and let's not forget my favorite part. 'Just because I can't control my erections around you doesn't mean I want you.' Glad to know I was just a place for you to put your dick. That was worse than low. That was scum. It was complete bull shit. You wanted to know if I would let you back in me again. That was… I don't know what to call it other than degrading. For God sake, Thomas had more respect for Sally and she was a slave. Unless that's what you wanted me to feel. To feel like I had no control over whom I have sex with or anything like that. Good to feel the love," Olivia yelled at Fitz.

"We are not Thomas or Sally. We never have been. Understand that. You looked so damn gorgeous and I couldn't help myself. I needed you in the only way I could. And yeah, I took some frustration out during it. But you slapped me first. Then you kissed me. It wasn't completely my fault. We got a bit over zealous and it got out of hand."

"A bit out of hand? Really? That's what we're calling it?" Olivia unbuttoned her shirt and pulled it off along with her bra watching Fitz. He wasn't sure what she was doing but was going to find out rather fast. "You call that out of hand?" Liv walked closer to him and he could see the indentations of his hand he left on her left breast. Permanent scars of his fingertips wrapped around her breast, a reminder of that day. "That day was way further than out of hand. It was painful and hurtful."

Fitz pulled her down to him and wrapped his arms tight around her. "Baby, I'm so sorry. I would never hurt you like that. I can't believe I did that."

"But you did," Liv said as she pushed him back moving away and putting her shirt back on. "You not only hurt me emotionally but physically too and left marks. Either way, I'm over that day now. We shouldn't have gone into that closet together."

Liv buttoned her shirt back up and sat in the chair as Fitz spoke. "It looks like I did a bit of damage there. Why didn't you tell me before? We've been back together then separated so many times since. Why not tell me? Or show me? Why haven't I noticed them before?"

"What would be the point in telling you? It would make you feel bad about yourself and then you'd push me away. Showing you would be just as bad. And you didn't notice them before because you were not paying attention. There were other things you preferred to see."

Fitz smirked and silenced a laugh. "Yeah, I guess you're right on that one."

"Now you've seen them, I'm not proud of them but I will live."

"It's embarrassing and shameful that I could do that to you, Livie. I don't think I'll ever be able to apologize enough for that."

"I prefer not to think about them. It's a bad day for some of that. I was sad at first that you could actually do that, but I understood that you were angry with me. I have learned to deal with it. What's next?"


	8. Jake

Fitz sat on the couch and looked at the clock again. _5:06 am. _"The Caldwell dinner. I saw you on the phone with someone. Who were you talking to?"

"Jake, which would lead us to the next issue we have."

"Jake," he repeated. "You know I had him follow you because I wanted to make sure that you were safe. I need to know for my own sanity. I wanted to protect you; that's all I ever want to do."

"You had no right to know what my life was like. No right to have me followed by anyone. And even Jake was bad. Cyrus showed you the video of the two of us having sex but he didn't tell you everything. Jake kept you in the dark so he could be your go to guy."

Fitz's face turned to curiosity. "Kept me in the dark about what?"

"I went to the hospital because of him," Liv said. She let her words sink in for him to understand. Readying herself for the blow she would deliver him. "You knew we spent the night together. Had sex that night, all of that. When I got up in the early morning to get a drink, I turned on the TV; well, what I thought was the TV to watch the news. Instead, it's video footage of every room in my apartment. He'd not only been watching me, he'd been recording me. Jake scared the shit out of me when I was watching it. I ran and tried to get away from him but he threw me to the floor and I hit my head on the coffee table. There was never an intruder at my apartment while I was there. Someone did get into my apartment while I was at his. I still don't know who it was. You had him watching me and I end up with a concussion. Thanks for that."

Looking at Fitz, she could tell he was now beyond upset: he was pissed. Fitz stood up and started to pace back and forth. After several minutes, Fitz couldn't stop himself from getting physically angry. He stomped over to the couch ready to sit down and flipped the coffee table over making the glass slam to the floor. Hearing the loud crash, Tom and Daniel came in quickly.

Olivia saw the agents come in. "It's alright, guys. Everything's fine. I'll handle it." She flip the table to the right position and bent down to start picking up the glass.

"I'm sorry, I'll clean it up." Fitz turned back to the agents and told them to go back out. "I'll clean it up Liv."

"Its fine, Fitz. I'll get it." Liv went to the kitchen to grab the broom and came back. "Feel better?" She started to sweep up the glass and put it in the trash.

"If that was Jake's face, I'd feel so much better. Why didn't you tell me that before? I would have handled Jake before."

"I thought you knew; that he told you."

Fitz laughed a little, "That would be a great conversation. He tells me that you and he have sex and that you found out that I was watching you. Having you watched."

"He still should have told you."

"It doesn't matter. I'll have him taken care of. I'm sorry I broke the table, I'll get you a new one."

"Don't worry about it, I've been meaning to get a new one anyway. Now I have a reason. Let's keep going though, before I lose my nerve and want to stop for the night. Maybe forever."

"I shouldn't have had you summoned to the White House. You should have every right to choose where you want to go and not go. It's just sometimes I want to talk to you and explain but you don't listen. I'm trying to work on that."

Olivia finished cleaning up the glass with some help from Fitz. Making sure that she didn't cut herself, he threw all the glass into the trash bag.

"Okay, I think we go to the next part of it now, you?" Fitz asked.

"Fine, let's do this."

"Mellie's interview led us to the re-election. I was going to leave Mellie and run with you by me. But then we both found out what had been done. I forgave you for sleeping with Jake, but I don't think you forgave me for killing Verna. I was trying to protect you. When I left, she was going to have David come in and she was going to tell him everything about Defiance. Everything: who, when, how, why. And with names. I couldn't let her do that to you. So I held the oxygen mask away from her until she stopped breathing. I don't see how you could forgive me for that."

Liv let out a long and heavy sigh before she spoke. "I understand why you did. I would have done the same thing if the situation was reversed. I'd do anything to protect you. I forgave you long ago."

"Thank you, but it leads us to your name being leaked."

"Yeah, it does do that. We still don't know who did it. I think it was Mellie. Maybe even Cyrus. I know it wasn't anyone on my team. Jake perhaps."

Fitz put his head between his legs, breathing hard, "I leaked your name."


	9. Leaked

"I leaked your name," Fitz said. He couldn't bear to look at her when he said it. Keeping his eyes locked to the floor he waited for her to say something, giving himself a few minutes to think of how to explain his actions. How was he going to explain that anyway?

Olivia stayed still, eyes glued to him. He really said he leaked her name? Why? What reason would he have for doing that? Liv wasn't sure how she should feel about that; relieved, annoyed, happy, pissed.

Silence filled the room for what felt like hours but was really only a few minutes. Liv stood up and walked to her bedroom slamming the door behind her. She sat on her bed considering the options of what to do. She could kick him out and tell him she never wanted to see him again. Or, she could go back out and let him explain.

Fitz knew he screwed up. But he needed to tell her the truth. The night was all about truth and no more secrets. He stood up and went to her bedroom.

"Liv," he knocked on the door. "Let's talk it out." A few seconds went by before she opened the door. "I'm not going to apologize."

Olivia stood in the doorway while he spoke, listening to him. She stared him down and without saying a word she picked up her right hand and slapped him across the left side of his face as hard as she could. "I won't either." She stepped back into the room and slammed the door again.

He stared at the door, not believing that she hit him. But she hit him hard. He opened the door and went in. Fitz saw her curled into the bed hugging her pillow nearly crying. "I know you say that 'gladiators don't cry' but I won't tell anyone if you do."

Liv turned her face into the pillow and screamed. "Do you have any idea the shit you did when you leaked my name? Why the fuck would you do that?"

"To save you from Mellie. She was going to hold it over you, like she's the puppet master."

"I do not need you to save me! I am not weak and vulnerable. I can take care of myself. You had no right to leak my name to anyone. How did you even do it?"

"Tom."

"You sent Tom to do your dirty work like you do every other time, of course."

"Did you want me to set up a press conference and announce it myself? What did you expect me to do?" Fitz yelled.

"I expected you to give me the decency to care for my wishes about the world not knowing that I was your whore!"

He was angrier now than he was when she slapped him. Fitz stomped over to her and pinned her underneath him on the bed. "Do not ever say that again. Do you understand me? You are not a whore and you never have been. Knock that shit off now!"

Liv knew his tone was serious. He hated the words whore and mistress. "If the boot fits, you might as well wear it."

"The boot doesn't fit, its four sizes too big. You are the person I love and have never been a whore or a mistress. Don't you ever use those words in referring to us again. We love each other no matter what. You will have to realize that I leaked your name to save you from her. She had your name in her stack and would use it if needed. I had to beat her to the punch so she couldn't."

"Fine."

"You understand now?"

"I'm still pissed that you didn't clear it with me."

"I can live with that." Fitz moved off her and sat on the bed.

Liv moved to sit up and walk out of the room. "If you want to continue this chat, we can't do it in here. I don't trust you like that yet."

"Good idea." Fitz followed her out to the living room to continue their talk. "You nearly had yourself killed."

"Mary. Yes, I know. She was my client and I had to protect her."

"And nearly have you blown up in the process. I couldn't get to you. I couldn't get you out of there and pull you somewhere safe. You stepped into the shot. They could have saved you, shot her and you'd be fine."

"And if they did, she would have released that button and had all of us blown up. Then you wanted me to hide from her that her son was a hero and not a terrorist."

"National security was at risk. The lives of other Americans overseas were on the line. We couldn't tell her even though she deserves to know."

"And know she's dead."

"And I'm sorry about that."

"Nothing can change that, now what?"

"Josie, you helped her attempt to run for President," Fitz said.

"So?"

Fitz sat in the chair and continued to talk. "I know that you and I couldn't work together on the campaign when all of that happened. So, there's no reason to go on with that subject."

"Mellie wanted me to work for your campaign. She asked me to come back at the Correspondence Dinner. I told her that I wouldn't but she said you needed me. And I was going to help Josie at the time."

"But you chose to work with me, thank you."

"Yeah, that leads us to Remington."

"I shot down a plane with 329 people on it. We thought that included your mother. Is there much else to add?"

"You should have told me when I asked you."

"It was a matter of national…"

"National security, I know. I didn't know I was a security risk to the nation that you couldn't tell me that you shot down a plane."

"I didn't know you couldn't trust me to tell me who your father was. We never discussed your family."

"This brings us to Vermont."


	10. Vermont

"Why did you build the house?" Olivia asked. "It's a beautiful house. But why?"

Fitz sat on the edge of the couch staring at Olivia. "I wanted to start on the life that we were going to have together. It was the dream that we were imagining together. We were supposed to move to Vermont and live there with our kids. That's why there are so many rooms. For however many kids you want to have. Vermont is for us. For you and me to be together forever. That way, when I was done being President we can move right into the house, even if I was still married."

"It's a beautiful house and I love it. Thank you for building it. I can't believe that you were able to hide all of that from everyone, even me."

"I came close many times to telling you about the house but it never seemed like the right time."

"And the right time came when we were disagreeing and I wasn't speaking to you so you have Tom come and drag me to the plane."

"We had to talk, that was the only way I could get you to talk to me. I wanted to show it to you before I sold it."

"You were never going to sell it were you?"

"No, I hoped you would come to your senses."

"Well, I did I guess, that brings us to the next subject please."

"Maya. You wanted my help with her."

Olivia looked at the clock on the table. _6:19 am. _"I didn't think she was a danger then. She seemed to be fine and not threatening to anyone. I thought I had all the facts. I mistrusted my gut again and I end up doing the wrong thing. And it cost people their lives. They are dead because of me."

"It's my fault. I got a plane for her to go on to get out of the country."

"But I asked you to. If I didn't ask you to help then those people wouldn't be dead. I shouldn't have brought you in for help."

"I asked you if I could help. I wanted you to count on me if you needed anything. I could have told you no at any point."

"Really? You could have told me no?"

"Hypothetically, yes I could have told you no. If it came down to it."

"Remington. You should have told them no. You didn't have to shoot down a plane with 329 people on it."

Fitz was irritated with Remington by now. "It was an order. I had no choice. You do not disobey orders from your superior in the Military. It's not a choice."

"You killed 329 people. And…"

"And I have to live with myself for doing that every day. And for the rest of my life I will regret doing that. It was an order I didn't agree with but had to follow."

"What did you tell my dad when you had him taken under the Pentagon?"

"Nothing much; it was just a way to get your mother safely out of the country. It was a way to stall him. He called me privileged and self-riotous. I told him how much I love you and how much I want to be with you. That you mean the world to me. I may have also said a few things that I'd prefer you not hear. I wanted him to tell me why he chose me to shoot the plane down."

"What did you say to him about me?"

"Liv, you don't really need to know."

"We said no secrets. I won't be mad."

Reluctantly, Fitz answered her. "I said that we were screwing and I could tell him about the way you taste." He watched her move uncomfortably in the chair, as if she was trying to hide her body. "You said you wouldn't be mad."

"I'm not mad. Just a bit… uneasy."

"Imagine how your father felt when I told him."

"Not too happy. But I don't suppose any of that conversation was meant to be happy. He wanted me to get on a plane when my name was leaked. He wanted me to go somewhere out of the country and start a new life. Get a fresh start and move on so I wouldn't become a public scandal. But I couldn't leave. You… you and my team needed me. I was going to go but I thought better of it. That we should work through it together. I'm glad I got the answers I needed when you held him under the Pentagon. I needed those answers."

"I'm glad I was able to get them for you, and that you didn't leave. I had to make Jake command."

"But you don't trust him."

"I didn't trust him with you. I needed you by my side and you had to pretend that you were with him. You were with him before that. Then you were with him and I don't know if it was pretend or real."

Olivia picked up the book next to her on the side table and threw it at Fitz, hitting his chest. "Your damn wife wanted me to get a boyfriend so I wouldn't be an embarrassment to your administration. I didn't want to be with him, you ass. For fuck sake! He put me in the damn hospital, why would I want to be with him?"

"Then why, of all people, did you choose Jake to be your pretend boyfriend? To hurt me?"

"He was the only one who knew that I couldn't actually love him. That I would and could only love you; he understood that. And he wasn't on Mellie's damn list of the 'approved' men to date."

"Alright, it's over so let's go on please."

"Fine, Sally?"

"You wanted me to throw the debate, I threw it. What's there to add?"

"Nothing. We've discussed all of that. Now that is done. The interview."


	11. Interview

"The interview that Jerry tried to sabotage?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, that one. Thank you for catching him before that happened, by the way. I see that ending very badly," Fitz smiled.

"It was Huck's find. I never had a clue about that. The interview went perfect though."

Fitz thought back to the interview and remembered the way it went. "The only thing missing was you beside me instead of Mellie. Karen and Jerry did great. Even Teddy sat still long enough for that."

"I agree, it was very well handled."

"Yes, but I was thinking a bit more of before the interview."

"About the kids?"

"No… Mellie. She was with Andrew and I took it out on you. For Karen to see her and Andrew having… that… is something I never wanted for her to see with anyone. She shouldn't have been subjected to that and I talked to Mellie about that. I guess she and Karen worked it out though. A few names had been thrown around but it worked out. But I took it out on you and I shouldn't have. None of that was your fault."

Olivia crossed her arms across her chest and sat back in the chair. "You yelled at me and told me that you were talking to your wife."

"I'm sorry. I wanted to apologize to you then, I tried to and you told me you were working. Mellie and I were discussing how our marriage was ruined. I didn't mean to yell at you. I was irritated with Mellie and wanted her to explain herself. She kept saying she lost something in herself in our marriage but wouldn't explain. I wanted to know."

"You found out though."

"Yeah I did, but you, my wonderful Livie, are disgusting though. You're my fluffer? What the hell is that about?"

"You wanted me to take care of the issue with your wife because she's sleeping with another man."

"You were being jealous."

"What the hell did you want me to be? I'm supposed to take care of Mellie sleeping with Andrew and you were the doing the same with me. That's hypocritical."

"You sent Gabby to me instead of you because you didn't want to deal with me."

"Her name is Abby! I sent her because you weren't listening to me."

"I was, but you weren't listening to what I wanted you to do."

"You are the one who wanted Andrew on the ticket, it's your fault he was on it."

"Alright, you shut down B613 when they almost had your mother in their custody."

"How was I supposed to know that they had her?"

"Maybe trust me and let me handle it. You don't have to handle everything yourself. You can count on me to do something."

Olivia attempted to silence a laugh. "You put Jake in charge because he was supposed to protect me and the nation. Instead, he can waltz right into my office and choke me."

"Woah, excuse me, he did what?"

"Yeah, you didn't get the whole story. You heard that we slept together the night before so I could get access to his phone. He threw that in your face, sorry about that. Huck shut down B613 and Jake comes running into my office, throws me against a wall choking me, telling me I killed you, and holds a gun to Huck. That seems about right."

Fitz ran his hands threw his hair, ready to break something again. "Why didn't you tell me he did that?"

"You were too pissed to hear a word I said after you heard we slept together. I can't get through to you when you hear shit like that and get in that mood."

"You should have told me."

"Whatever, Fitz. Nothing you can do about it now. What else?"

"The bomb. It was at the Senator's funeral."

"I know, I watched the funeral entrances from the hospital. Jake told Cyrus that the bomb was there and he kept you at the White House. Thankfully, he stalled."

"Because Sally was there. He wanted it to blow with Sally in the church. Instead it made her look like the hero, helping people and the way she looked."

"I did my best to get you those slots. I had a lot of threats going around to news channels. It is NOT my fault that those assholes don't realize that you are the President and she is not."

"I'm not blaming you. It's Cyrus's fault. He should have told me and I could have gotten everyone out of there."

"You would have done your best, I know. And because of that I wouldn't let you leave the White House during a campaign."

"And I didn't listen," Fitz laughed.

Liv stared seriously at him, waiting for him to stop laughing. "You think it's funny that you could have been blown up? That you could have died for the second time? My mother was after you and I had no way to find her or stop her. But it's hilarious that you could have died."

Fitz finally stopped laughing, nearly bent over on the floor. "That's not the funny thing, Livie. I had to have permission from my girlfriend to leave the White House where I'm President. I had to sneak out of there without you knowing. The funniest part is that I actually got away without you noticing."

"Oh that's so damn funny, Fitz. I had to fly to Ohio to save your ass. She doesn't like you but lucky for both of us she loved me. That she didn't want to physically hurt me. That's the only thing that saved you from being blown up."

"But I didn't get blown up, I'm still alive, and here with you. I shouldn't have snuck out of the White House though. I should have told you that I was leaving but I knew you never would have let me out of there."

"And for a good reason."

"True, now Jerry."


	12. Jerry

"I'm sorry about Jerry. Very sorry. If we hadn't been involved, Jerry would still be here," Liv told him.

Fitz wasn't sure how to respond to that. He was very sorry his son wasn't here but he wasn't sorry he was involved with Olivia. He loved both of them but couldn't choose one over the other. "It is not your fault, Liv. Maya did this to us. She killed my son. I don't blame you for any of this, and you shouldn't either."

"But I do. If we hadn't met, and started a relationship, Jerry would be alive and you would be happy. His death caused you so much pain, I didn't know what to do. My mother killed your son. How am I not to blame for that?"

"YOU didn't kill him. You have no blame in this. I should have been able to protect him. I am his father and I failed him," Fitz said. Olivia could tell in his voice that he was holding back tears.

Liv moved on her knees in front of him to be eye level. "You did not fail him. Jerry was an amazing kid. His life just got cut too short. You did everything you could for him. Every time he needed something you were there. You were a good father to him. You are amazing with Teddy and Karen. It's sad that he died, and I'm sorry you had to grieve your son. No parent should ever have to do that. I know that you are still grieving, even if it's just a little. You'll never be over the death of your son. But you will live. Even if it's just for your kids. I promise, you will be okay eventually. It will just take some time."

Fitz kept eye contact with her the entire time she spoke, listening to his every word. "Why couldn't you tell me that a year ago?"

At this point, both of them had started to cry, unable to hide tears anymore. "I didn't know how."

"Exactly how you just said it."

"Fitz, that just came out. I still feel guilty about Jerry. I know you tell me not to but I do. I can't help that. I can't make your pain go away; no one can."

"I know, I've tried to void the pain with anything I could think of but it doesn't help. I love Jerry. I always have and always will. But he's a very emotional topic for me and I can't discuss him yet." Olivia nodded and let him continue. "Why did you get on a plane and leave me?"

"I wasn't any good for you. I'm still not good for you. I cause problems. I am your issue that I can't resolve. I thought that if I left, you'd have a better chance at the second term. I helped get you elected, the way you wanted to, the right way, and then my job was done. I was going to go out and fix myself and come back when you had forgotten all about me and moved on. I hoped that you would be in a better place when I got back from wherever I was going. But then I changed my mind. I couldn't leave. The plane took off but I made the pilot turn around and land. I wasn't ready to leave D.C. yet. I thought I was but I remembered everything that was here. Mellie and Cyrus had called my phone a million times but I never answered. I couldn't face you. I knew that you and she would have to grieve together in your own way. But I couldn't leave. I thought that eventually, I might be able to face you and tell you how sorry I was, am, for losing Jerry. That I would work up enough courage to be able to stand in front of you and let you yell and scream at me and tell me how much of a mistake it was to be involved with me. That I was the worst mistake you had ever done. And then when you finished yelling at me, I'd be able to leave and let my emotional state take over for a day and then move on with my life. Because you would have figured out that you didn't want me; that you had never wanted me. I can't see how you could ever wa…"

Fitz moved in and kissed her lips as hard as he could. "Shut up!" He stared in Olivia's eyes trying to make her understand he was serious. "From day one, I wanted you. In every sense of the word. Any way that I could have you and it still wouldn't be enough. You are not to blame for Jerry. Being with you was not a mistake; it was one of the greatest things in my life. Ranks right up there with the days my kids were born. I would never yell at you and tell you that I don't want you. I love you too much to tell you that, even jokingly."

"Okay," she said quietly. Liv moved a little closer to him and kissed him lightly. "Now what?"

"I know what I want. But I want to know what you want. What do you want Olivia?"

Liv sat back on her heels staring down at her fingers. "I don't know. I'm not sure what I want. I know I want to be happy. But I have a hard time figuring out what makes me happy lately."

Fitz took her hands in his, setting them against his chest. "I want to make you happy, sweet baby. I want to be with you and have Vermont and kids and jam and anything else that will make you happy. This past year without you has been awful. When I came here tonight and finally saw you in person, I felt like I could breathe. I missed you so much."

"I missed you too."


	13. Wanted

"What do you say? Do you want Vermont with me? With me and Karen and Teddy? And all the other children we will have? I want you to have anything you want. Let me give it to you. Please, Livy."

She stared at Fitz for several minutes, considering her answer. "It's not that simple, Fitz. I know you divorced Mellie months ago. But you are still the President and have a million more important things to do."

"Nothing in this world is more important than you and my children. We can move you into the White House now. Tell everyone later that we are together and spend Christmas in Vermont. Hell, we can be married by Christmas. On Christmas, I don't care. Olivia, I can't breathe when you aren't around."

"Fitzgerald, it is not that simple!"

"Why did you have the pilot turn the plane back?"

"Because."

"That is not an answer. You had to have your reasons. You have a reason for doing everything. Why Olivia?"

Liv knew the reason she had turned around. She just didn't want to really admit it out loud. Fitz kept repeating his question until she gave in. "Because you own me! You control me. I can't breathe without you. Or sleep without you. You control my every feeling. Because I love you. You are the love of my life! Because I eat, breathe, and sleep Fitzgerald Thomas Grant the Third every minute of every day. You're in my head and I can't get you out. Because your voice rang through my head the very second I thought of leaving, begging me to stay and work through it. That we would get through this together. My gut told me not to go."

"And you mistrusted your gut. Livy, we breathe in sync. I cannot breathe without you. You are my air I need. We belong together. It's you and me against the world."

"I know. But we…"

"No but. Either you want to be with me or you don't."

"I do."

Fitz stood up and walked back to her bedroom leaving her in the living room. When he didn't come back after a few minutes she went looking for him. She went to her bedroom and saw Fitz going through her closet and dresser putting things into a suitcase.

"What are you doing?"

"Helping you pack. You aren't as observant are you?" he smirked.

"I can see that you are packing. I don't understand why. So why are you packing for me?"

"You are going with me to the White House. Right now."

"It's 8:30 in the morning. You are already late for your briefing. We cannot just show up at the White House."

"I'm calling in sick today."

"You are the PRESIDENT. You cannot call in sick."

"Watch me." Fitz turned and watched Olivia stand in the doorway, with her hands on her hips staring at him. "Are you going to stand there and watch me or are you going to finish helping me pack?"

Olivia pulled Fitz by the hand to the bed. "What's the plan?"

"I want you to move into the White House with me. And we can live in Vermont when my term is up."

"Fitz, that's what you want. That's not a plan."

"Fine, you come up with the plan."

Olivia thought for several minutes. "I will move into the White House this weekend. You can even help me pack it up. You can make a statement about us dating. Engaged even if you want. We can spend Christmas in Vermont and we will get married there on Christmas Eve."

"Livy, you are saying that you are going to marry me, right?"

"Yes, Fitz. We will get married on Christmas Eve this year at our Vermont home. If that is what you want."

"That is definitely what I want." Fitz leaned over and kissed her hard on the lips. Sealing the deal with a kiss.


End file.
